Aaron you make my heart beat faster and slower at the same time... I LOVERLY YOU!YYYY XoXo****

Hello again, I have nothing more to do than shower and it's early so I figured I'd update. I went over to Jen's today, did two pages of scrapbooking, it was fun! We drove around up to the farm, mobile and Subway haha yeah that was fun! I left around 5ish and I went to give Aaron back his dad's key, which I was more or less looking for an excuse to see him and hey it worked! Gosh I love him so much. My knee feels a lot better, personally I think I could do gym and stuff but, the E.R. said nope! Oh well. Anyways...Curt's birthday party is friday which will be fun. I am going to drive there, but I need directions so it's going to suck! What else...I made plans with 'Raquel' tonight, we are going to go out Thursday night and do something since Friday is a half day and she isn't going and I'll be half assed anyways so haha! English sucks, I love Ashley but damn, we are never paired or anything and sit no where near close and we always have freakin' homework. I got some new icons up on L.J now they are cool I think. Aaron's birthday is coming up which it gets harder as closer and closer it comes to keep his presents a secret none the less his x-mas gift! I guess that was it to sum up my day. Gym tomorrow which I can't play. Amy! Thanks for you concern! I appreciate it with all my heart xOxO* That's about it!

::Sigh:: talking to Aaron right now, I am really hurt...I want him to stay after with me willingly but, he hates it so much...Sorry I just really miss spending one on one time with him...

Okay last night was excellent! I went with Aaron* and his parents to see the 'Exercist' and we went out to eat at the Cracker Barrel, I got chicken dumplings...MmMm! Then we school shopping for a couple hours for Aaron* it was fun! We (Mary and I) tried helping her find a new swimmy suit...we kinda failed :( Oh well... Then I stayed the night, and I woke up and I woke up Aaron* and like 4 a.m. telling him I was scared and I had nightmares about that movie and I was afraid to go out in the dark because of Archie! :-P Then today I had to work eight hours! It was fine...all worth the apple pie at nightime!

Tomorrow, I work some more, I should make around a $130 paycheck...NIICE! That sums up my whole two days, still, the tires were without a doubt the BEST part of my weekend LOL! Aaron* you mean so much to me...I love you...Even though sometimes it may not always seem like Rainbows and Butterflies...I still am IN love with you and love you more than ever!

Well yesterday was quiet fun, though I didn't see *you*...I went to drivers ed and I passed my driving part with an 82 then I went to work two hours later then I went SHOPPING! I went to Hot Topics and got two cute shirts and pants, the expenses came to $138.56 and I only had $90 in cash so I wrote my first check but, the guy didn't take it because it was a 'Starter check' so it sucked, my mom payed for some in cash, but I got a full card and a half. So yeah it was fun!

Then I talked to *you* about today's plans which I'm so excited. We're going to see Aliens Vs Predator...though I never saw the predator movies, Alien kicks way more ass haha! Then we're having a barbeque...and EUCHRE of course! :-D man it's scary how much I like that game lol. But, *your* so special, and I love *you* so much...lovingness!

I found what I believe in,

and its you.

And everything feels right.

I took my driver's ed final today, Joe and I both think we failed fucking insurance questions! lol, the last ride we all had together was fun. I'm going to miss Joe and Kristy, but I'll see them in a good two weeks or so!

That's it, as I can remember, nothing more too much to add. Except 'friend' said he missed me...awe! I miss him too! I miss all my friends, I wonder why they don't make efforts to hang out and stuff, I mean I know I'm busy but, it's retarded just for me to make efforts, IDK, just something I noticed. I know I'm busy and stuff but, they shouldn't stop them from trying, I mean hell, they are all going to go threw this next summer with driving and jobs, so...

*This is to you 'friend' I will be there whenever you need someone, good luck with S.S. and I hope all is well...as for the ladies, don't worry about them, like my good ol' twins say, a relationship isn't everything* --See twins, I do remember that stuff you said in like 8th,9th,10th grade LOL

Yesterday was quiet lovely, *he* came home around six! PM of course! I went to a picnic with *his* parents and it was fun. I met a lot of people, and *his* dad said he loved me lol I was so happy, that I fit in and didn't feel uncomfortable. Then on the way home we all sang songs on 103.3 lol like "I believe I can fly' and I almost convinced *his* dad that 2Pac sang that song lol. I was so happy when I saw *you*, it may not have bee obvious but, I had so much anticipation just wanting to leap right on top of *you* haha! :-D I guess I was glad you were home, so much went on! You were so clueless it was great! Sucks your computer is broken HAHA M.E SUCKS! I am just happy everything is back to the way it was.

I'm begining to miss my twins...I don't know I just really miss them...And I just don't wanna go back to school and have us not even talk! They had their own gathering without me and Aaron and a plus Lisa. I felt left out but, I talked to Ashley and she explained it to me. I was going to have one last one before school, but I work 75% of my life and thank god driver's ed is over tomorrow! I passed my road test practice with an 82 so...no  worries* :-D

I might do my hair again, I wanted a perm but, the bleach would damage my hair, I was thinking blonde and red dying. Sometime soon probably...I get to go shopping today for clothes! God, I'm so happy lol. My cell phone bill comes in like a week, so YICKS!

I talked to Ashlie Sheridan, she is finally in a good relationship and NO NIKO to ruin it! We want to go shopping together...we'll see...We said how Colin and Shante are going to have the cutest kids and they were simply meant to be hehe!

I have to talk to my dad about *you* staying and stuff, I'm just waiting for the right timing, I want you to Tuesday because I want to go out and stuff for the night, so I am going to see...Lovingness...

One last thing before I have to work today from noon to five, and I know *your* computer is broke but, I love you more than anything. Jackalops remember and me riding my horse Filmore lol god this is why I love *You* And me crying and your so clueless :winks: OH it's PINKLES not BINKIE! LOL, XoXo*

Ok so I haven't updated in three days, on Wed. I saw *your* parents, we just talked for four hours, it was so much fun. And I finally talked to *you* after not talking to *you* for four days! I was so relieved I told you a lot of things, though it was only ten minutes, I was still all smiles. A lot was said and it was nice to be open and that fun stuff with *your* parents! I didn't have to work either! I had driver's ed, which I think I'll fail, my class average is like a 68 lol, and my driving average I know isn't good because Mr. Cranston told me that you need an average of 100 comments during the commentary driving. Oh well, I guess, not much I can do. My last day is Tuesday. And I'll find out if I passed the 23rd. Anyways, Thursday I had work for six hours. I went in two hours early because I was asked. Then I asked to eat and Colleen wouldn't let me, like usual, then my mom came in and she gave me an attitude. Whatever, she doesn't seem to like me anyways. Yesterday my dad and I got in a fight about stuff, overnight with the boyfriend, but everything is a little better now that we're calm, we avoid to talk about it. And I talked to my actual mom about it and she pissed me off, last thing I said was I do believe 'How can you understand, your never there for me half the time.' I love her, but I was mad and I still am upset, I didn't even say goodbye. I went tanning today, I also went into work from 11-2. Then I cashed my paycheck (103.15) in my new checking account. So now I have two, I have a checking (NBT) and savings (BSB)so it's awesome, I also get checks and an ATM card. Which is wicked cool. I get my nails done today, I'm happy. Well for today being Friday the 13th it's going pretty damn well. I didn't have to see Colleen either! HAHA, anyways, I am so excited, tomorrow I get to go to a picnic with *your* parents, and I finally get to see *you* and stay with *you*, even though I'll be leaving at 9 a.m. I'll be back at 4 p.m.!!! I love *you* so much, and I'm so glad this horrible week is over! I'm wicked shocked I made it through this week, I had a breakdown and ugh it sucked lol, I'm happy that if I can get through this, I can conquer and defeat ANYTHING! Did I mention I dovnloaded ringtones successfully? LOL it was fun.

Sitting here counting the hours

Waiting for the sun to kiss the sea

Paralyzed by the fragrance of the flowers

They remind me of you and me

Well let's see, yesterday really fucking sucked. I went to work around noon and I didn't eat too much and I asked a manager for a break and she was like 'Well Nikki hasn't eaten and I haven't eaten and we've been here longer than you...' and like a simple 'no' would have sucked but, this was the second time I asked her and I hate asking her, that's all she says, so I ignored it and went on my way to help the very few customers we had at the time. So I worked for four hours and she wouldn't let me eat, and then I worked like ten minutes overtime which oh that's when a shit load happend, I made an order for a guy a six inch and foot long well I already made my sub, I was ready to leave so I just took one guys' last order...I accidently put my wrap with his footlong! After he left, I didn't notice but I grabbed what I thought was my wrap, and I didn't check until I finally clocked out and I was ready to eat, and I was going to walk to the tanning place, but because the manager worked me overtime, I would have never gotten their in time. So I called my mom, and when I realized I had the wrong sandwich I was pissed...that's when I snapped, not over a sandwich but, with everything that was happening, our friends getting torn apart, someone trying to commit suicide, Aaron's leaving and the possibilities that might happen when he comes home, That bitch of a manager, I took all that upsettingness and tweaked out...none other than my mom. Which sucked, I was pissed I had a FREE sub, and I had to pay for it over some stupid mistake that could have been prevented if I was just to leave when I was supposed to. I started to lightly swear and I was just gonna take my sub, after all it was free right? Well my mom paid for it, and I was crying and all upset, then I got the royal bitching, and I went tanning trying not to cry while telling the lady how long I wanted to be in there, but I couldn't help it, So when I went tanning I cried for twenty-two minutes straight...then I calmed down, and I got changed well I couldn't find my sock! So I looked everywhere in the tanning room, and I couldn't find it anywhere...on the floor...so I looked in the trash, what are the odds it's in there, very high...I was so upset I didn't know/care where my clothes I thrown have went. So I left, talked to my mom about why I was so upset...Then I went to the twins which was the only good thing about that day...We had fun walking around the park with Bryan and Joey...then I beat Ashley in Checkers LOL, and we played Skip-bo which I had two cards left and IDK I ended up losing which I was like WTF lol, yeah good funny times. I played Ashley for like 10 minutes, it was funny. I stuffed rocks in my boobs to have big boobs like her, and Amber said my boobs were lumpy and I said I had cancer hehe. Anyways, today I am supposed to go to the Zoo in like an hour me, Jen and Jessica are going WITH NO PARENTS whoo hoo! LOL, the joys of a car...Yes yes, then the day before yesterday it was a little better, work sucked, but Jen and I went to see The Village, it was good. I think I wrote about this already lol. I doubt I will get to see Danielle, god I'm such a bad friend. Tomorrow I might have work, I'm afraid to call in about yesterday's incident. But, I get to see my Andrew and Mary! (*his* parents)which I am looking forward to, then I get to go SCHOOL SHOPPING Thursday! YAY!

I miss *you* so much, I need you now like I needed you then...But I heard your having fun biking and playing horshoes... :smiles: Can't wait until you come home, there isn't much I have to say, it's the same stuff that I always say when your gone, or when I'm not with you for a day...XoXo***

LOVINGNESS...I'm So Crushed...

These past two days have been iffy. Yesterday I babysat the cousins and I went and bought scrapbooking stuff and I am all out of paper so I can't do anymore without pretty paper. Then I worked today which was okay, I got done at 3 p.m. and Dani and I decided to hang out tomorrow, so instead Jen and I went to see The Village which it was a good movie, but I expect better I guess. Everyone was talking about it so we saw it and it was cool, I got home around 8 p.m. then Jen and I took a Speed Limit sign that feel down, oh it was oh so interesting. I got the stick and Jen got the sign, so next time I'll get the sign so it will be cool, It was fun, there was a warning sign and I laughed and thought about how fucking bad it would have sucked if we got caught cause there was either imprisonment or a thousand dollar fine LOL. It was great, lovely times. Tomorrow I work, then I plan to tan and see Danielle. Sometime this week I'm going school shopping along with making a new banking account. I had a convo with /him\ and 'friend' last night about *him* I got really sad and paranoid, I fear 8you* would have come home and dumped me or something. I cried...I have been trying to keep myself occupied...Doing things, so I don't get upset and cry, I've been kinda moody lately to my mom, which sucks I feel bad...I wanna see *your* parents but, I'm so busy but, I am trying...

I wish *you* would call me, I am not expecting much, just your commitment. I expect too much, I'm sorry. I'm a bad person, but I bought 'buddies' LOL today...Oh dear! I'm kinda sad, I try not to think about you, yesterday I almost forgot you were gone, until I didn't talk to you all day and my co-worker Char asked where you were...Sigh...This week I have had no emotions either I'll eat a lot or I won't eat at all...I am emotionaless and with 'friend' having problems there is a lot of negative sad energy right now, without *you* I tend to be unstable, I just find it best not to talk to anyone really, except 'friend' is the only person I can really talk to, mainly because I won't talk to anyone else about my feelings about *you* away, I told /him\ but he didn't seem too interested...

There are only two times that I want to be with you... Now and Forever.

Always have, Remember? -I never want to be alone-...Lovingness...PS Pinkles Misses You... ::Little Smile::

friend-this is to you, your like a brother. and your wicked cool, you do nothing wrong, you've always helped me and whenever you need to talk i'll always talk to you, fuck other problems with other people, this week has been so depressing with me and i'm glad we can share our thoughts and opinions with eachother.

today was okay I suppose. i had driver's ed from 7:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m. which it was okay, atleast i get monday and tuesday off! then afterwords i went to subway and got food and then i was off to *his* house and i spent like 45 minutes with him... *tear* i wasn't happy to leave, i had to go right to work from noon to 8 p.m. *he* IMed me on my phone and i was happy I almost cried because i'm going to miss him so much...eight days...i am going to go insane...around 7 p.m. at work i saw an old manager named Tonya...i talked to her i almost cried, i miss her, and i kinda miss mcdonald's and she told me subway was better anyways and i told her the reason i don't go there anymore and it was because i thought everyone hates me and she said no and if they do fuck them hehe when her and an ex co-worker of mine left, that's when i almost cried. curt sent me 100 fucking messages on my cell phone today. it kept beeping at work and class lol, god! so i sent it on vibrate and my purse would move around so i was like 'JESUS' haha. i got pictures today, from the fair, i looked at them and i cried. atleast i have work to occupy me. and i have no work tuesday so it's cool tuesday i have TOTALLY off! so instead of being occupied i'll be crying and eating, lovely. no i'm trying to think optimistic, it's hard.

sweetie, this is to you because i already miss you, sad eh? i hope you have fun and i'm constantly thinking of you so, no worries* -Lovingness-

You Are My Sunshine
My only sunshine.
You make me happy
When skies are grey.
You'll never know, dear,
How much I love you.
Please don't take my sunshine away

The other nite, dear,
As I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms.
When I awoke, dear,
I was mistaken
And I hung my head and cried.